Thursday, 11 November 2010

A story SO INCREDIBLE it revived this blog

If you've been wondering where I am, I've been applying to grad school. It has eaten my whole life. My life is still in the process of undergoing the process of digestion in the belly of the academic beast, but then today I read THE MOST AMAZING STORY OF ALL TIME. Check it out: Dick Van Dyke Rescued By Porpoises. Really.

That's amazing, right? Right? Then I was looking for a nice picture of a dolphin to post with this story, and so of course NATURALLY I thought, "Hmm, one of those pictures of dolphins in space would be even better." Then I found this picture from and I realized that, yes, obviously Jewish Cowboy Dolphins in Space are CLEARLY the thing I should post here. So thanks, for providing me--and the WORLD--with this delightful and entirely possibly image of dolphin ingenuity at its finest.(if Republicans don't slash the science budget, fingers crossed for the future!)

Anyway, this Dick Van Dyke story is awesome, and the headlines it inspired are even awesomer. (Yes, Dick Van Dyke Was Rescued By Porpoises Recently/) Take away lesson: if you are a celebrity, and animals rescue you/play poker with you/interact with you in any way outside of the realm of the expected, please tell the internet. The internet will thank you. THANK YOU.

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Wonderful amputee monkey warms hearts, slaughters chickens

This story is amazing on so many levels:

1) The title. Never Slaughter a Chicken in Front of a Monkey

2) It's so heartwarming! Yet so violent. Somebody in Hollywood needs to option this. Michael Cera will play the monkey.

3) These closing lines:

" It helps look after Li's dog's puppies and even wiped away Li's tears when he was grieving the death of his father.

Li said: 'It sat besides me quietly and extended his only arm to wipe the tears on my face. He would softly pat my face and head, and look at me with great sympathy.'"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart just fell out of my chest.


SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEON NEON NEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what's going on in this video, but I like it. The ending also makes me feel a bit dirty but in the best, summery-est way possible. Thanks to my friend Wade for exposing me to "Sweet Raisin (She's Just a Meow Meow)," the summer dance trend that is sweeping the nation. (Or at least my apartment.)

PS--If you know, or are one of these people, please pleeeeeeeease let me be friends with you and your hairless cat.

This next video saved my 4th of July. Seriously, it was going along pleasantly enough, nothing too horrible nothing like WOW fantastic, and then, while at Minneapolis' 10 Second Film Festival, this little gem of neon wonder flashed into my life . CHAUNCEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, 6 June 2010

Pink handfish: badasses of the undersea kingdom

Soon it shall happen. Marine life shall rise up against us, its human oppressors and horrible, horrible BP polluters. It is only a matter of time that life as we know it shall change irrevocably, horrifyingly, eternally. It is inevitable, now that we know there are FISH WITH HANDS.

You don't believe me? Check this s&%^ out:

"You ever been bitchslapped by a FISH before, wise guy?"
That's what he is saying.

On the other hand, all I could choke out of my meager human vocal chords upon first viewing this picture was a resounding moan of terror. Look at this little undersea brawler, just bruising through the ocean, looking for the crazy mofos who got oil all up in its home. (Disclosure: actually it lives in Australia OF COURSE, but still, he is mad, and somebody's gonna pay.)

The funny thing about this little monster--er, wonder of nature--is that it is known simply as a pink handfish. The name totally sounds like something my seven-year-old niece would come up with.* You can read more about it here, you know, if you're into that sort of thing.

*Who, um, doesn't actually exist yet, but I'm sure someday will. Journalistic integrity!!!!

For your viewing pleasure...more baby otters

This clip was an obvious choice for this week's update because

a) Otters are always cute. To everyone, everywhere. If we sent otters into Taliban strongholds they would lay down their weapons and just stare in awe at the perfect adorableness of the mighty otter. Then everyone would hug each other and do what small animals do best, namely, to have tea parties with their other small animal friends.
b) The clip is named "Adventures in Otter Space." This speaks for itself.
c) It's a musical montage!!!!!!!! I watch a lot of teen dramas, so I love musical montages.

You can thank my best friend and fellow otter appreciator, Sarah, for the next two magical minutes of your life:

Friday, 21 May 2010

Baby sloths=love

My friend Jared brought these amazing sloths into my life this week, and the world is a better place for it. I'm going home from work in 9 minutes, and I hope, so are you. What better way to kick off the weekend than with SLOTHSSSSS???!!!

Seriously, these things are so adorable that they could steal your girlfriend, break into your apartment to make sweet love and then write a bestselling erotic novel about their passionate love affair and you (or I) wouldn't even care. THEY ARE THAT CUTE.

Dwarf lemurs!!!!!

If I've learned anything from doing this blog, it's that an animal's awesomeness is 98% of the time directly proportional to how many photos there are of a scientist (or eccentric Panamanian menagerie owner, your guess is as good as mine) holding a pair of the wee babies of the species in the palm of their learned (or crazy) hand. So you know this previously unprofiled species of lemurs is the good stuff. (As are all lemurs. Yes, they are all awesome. As evidenced by unofficial mascot, Binkie.)

These little friends will grow up to become dwarf lemurs, of which there are two kinds: the fat-tailed dwarf lemur:

And the Coquerel's dwarf lemur:

And because I am legally compelled to post every single picture of touching animal friendship I can find on this blog, here's a photo of a fat-tailed dwarf lemur, and his pal, another "nocturnal prosimian." I am not exactly sure what that means, beyond the fact that it would be an excellent band name. (...Or not, ok. But if you do name your band this, send me like $5 or something.)

All photos are from the Duke University LEMUR CENTER. Duke just went up 500 awesome points in my book.

Thursday, 1 April 2010

Wallaby on the loose!

Always reliable crazy conservative news outlet Fox is reporting that there is a WALLABY loose in Florida. This is important because I can't come up with anything else for the blog this week and it's almost time for 30 Rock. Anyways, this family's pet wallaby (????) escaped in Florida and is apparently at large. Fun fact: the wallaby escaped by hippity hopping away down a street called WONDER LANE. Fun fact #2: Beatrix Potter totally wrote this news story. The wallaby left home because he wanted to go to a cricket match. Shhhh.

If you see the adorable escapee, please contact your nearest animal cricket league and/or actual helpful animal-related professionals.

Baby De Brazza's Monkey is the best thing to happen to Denver since Casa Bonita

There is a new monkey at the Denver Zoo, and the world is a better place for it. Check out this little guy! "Oh my! Let me give you a hug"--that is what he's saying. Check out this article for an amazing picture of monkey and mom, plus a video. Wow! Maybe it's just the cocktail I had post-work talking, but between this and the legendary Casa Bonita , I can totally see a Denver road trip sometime in my future.

Friday, 26 March 2010


Thank you Jezebel/Getty for this wonderful image. My day just got 5000x better.

Oh wait! I just read this article and it's now 50,000,000x better! Apparently this lil' guy lives at the London Zoo's new NO BARRIERS NO RULES exhibit where you can walk through and interact with nature's greatest gift: primates (etc.). I am totally checking this out this when I go to London next month.

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Small friends 4eva

Ladies and gentlemen, I am back from my vacation in sunny Austin, TX for the annual SXSW music festival. And I have a problem. That problem is that I am no longer on vacation. Oh--also that I can't find any frickin' new weird animals on the internet. COME ON SCIENTISTS,DO I HAVE TO FUND YOUR EXPEDITIONS MYSELF??? Fortunately, I did stumble upon a site some friends had told me about, which had blown my mind...and which I had promptly forgotten till now. It's the Tiny Animals on Fingers Flickr set, and it will change your life. It is the Mary Tyler Moore of websites. It will take a nothing day and blah blah give you one blog entry so you felt like you got something done before you go watch Season 3 of Mad Men on DVD.

If anyone has any weird animal coverage suggestions, feel free to comment! Otherwise I shall return next week with some Daily Mail story on dogs that are bigger than their owners or toads in a rock band.

Sunday, 14 March 2010

Goth penguin!

Here we have another reader tip, this time from my friend Keri. This all black penguin may be the perfect animal for me to profile here on, as it is both a) a wacky animal and b) totally goth. And if you have ever read this blog's sister blog Diamonds Fur Coat Champagne, you will know I like kind of um, dark post-punk. Yes, that's how I shall put it. Now I shall go off into the night to hang out at my local Hot Topic and hassle the "normal" shoppers. You guys just don't GET IT, maaaan. (Joking!!! Joking!!!!)

Anyways, check out this blog's coverage of the greatest penguin of our time. I love the quote where the photographer who papped this penguin calls him/her? "an absolute monster" because of the size of the penguin's legs. That is just the kind of intolerance and superficial judgment that this penguin is trying to get away from by listening to The Cure and writing sad poetry. Come on people, it's 2010!!! Let's celebrate our differences. Also, please note Goth Penguin, Nightshadowe, let's call him, is looking rather emotively at the camera. This is so his Facebook pic.

Otter magic!

Deputy weird animal expert and my BFF Sarah sent me this adorable otter who just loves being tickled! Wait--I think "adorable" is an understatement. Post pictures of this otter in war-torn nations and there would be no more strife. This--ladies and gentlemen--is the Otter of Peace. The Otter of Love. Heck, let's just create a cult around this otter in the depths of the MN Northwoods near the Canadian border and build giant otter sculptures that will baffle and amaze future generations.

I bring you your new lord and master...of YOUR HEART.

The Daily Otter

Sunday, 14 February 2010

My Verreaux's Sifaka wants to party all the time, party all the time, party all the tiiiiime

Another winning selection from my favorite The Daily Mail!!! This time it's shots of a full on all monkey dance party. This is awesome because I was at a dance party last night, too!!!! And the thought that monkeys (in this case, something called a Verreaux's Sifaka) might show up next time--like, maybe if we email them in advance--is really, really inspiring.

Giant rabbit not only big, but also "possessed"

Yes! My favorite bizarre-quality (I was gonna say low-quality, but figured this made more sense) English rag The Daily Mail has given us fans of weird animals the best possible Valentine's Day gift! Namely, another story about a giant rabbit. The story is pretty run-of-the-mill "OMG we have this giant rabbit named Ralph" till you get to this gem of information:

TV medium Derek Acorah, star of 'Most Haunted', visited Mrs Grant at her home in Sussex, believing the rabbit was 'possessed". . . They said it was pretty spooky and he had a good old chat with Ralph about the spirits in our house. He seemed to think Ralph was channelling the spirit of a ghoul.

WOW. And you're welcome everybody! Seriously, don't look into his eyes. That rabbit wants nothing more than to eat your soul.

Monday, 1 February 2010

The White Stuff: baby albino snapping turtles

(Oh my God, even I hate myself for writing that headline. Weird Al-based story titles just should not be.)

My best friend and frequent animal suggester Sarah recently posted this Zooborns story about baby albino snapping turtles on my FB page. (Yes, I like to abbreviate everything; call it the J-Lo effect. FB=Facebook to those who don't know me IRL.) Check them out! So cute...yet so deadly. JUST LIKE THAT TOTAL LADYKILLER CHUCK BASS ON GOSSIP GIRL. (Only one more month till the show returns from its winter hiatus and my life as I know it can resume. One month of ETERNITY!!!!)

"I'm so widdle! And white!!! Yes, yesssssss, stick your finger in my mouth. Yessss."

One of the best things about this story is that the wee baby albino snapping turtles currently live in North Dakota! So technically I could just get in my car one day and be amongst these majestic beasts in a matter of hours (I live in Minnesota.) I say "technically" because I definitely will not be doing that...unless possibly they get some albino bat babies as well. In which case I would tip off my other best friend and fellow Minnesotan, PRINCE, and get him to purchase the entire zoo as his own personal freak animal wonderland. What? I saw him on Friday. Through glass and like 5 feet away, but I DID see him. And now we are besties.

Cat businessman takes Japan by adorable fuzzy storm

Japan has had stationmaster cats, ambassador cats, and probably more than a few of those cats with wigs. Now allow me to introduce Business Cat. He's just like you and me! He works hard, he likes his coffee (catnip) breaks, and he spends more than 50% of his day on the internet. This guy is a modern hero. I don't know what they're selling, but I'm buying it!

Friday, 8 January 2010

Maned wolf=best wolf

Wolves are pretty cool, right? I mean, there have been A TON of bands with the word "wolf" in their name lately. I know what you're thinking: how can wolves get any better? I'll tell you: WHEN THEY LOOK LIKE REALLY TALL FOXES.

As has previously been discussed on this blog (I think; I'm too lazy to check and I gotta go home soon to eat delicious TACOS), foxes are one of the best animals. I love their dainty little black legs. I love how they love grapes!!! (Hence, they probably like wine and GET THIS: so do I.) And I love how somehow (and with 100% no scientific basis for which to say this) they are totally the perfect combination of CAT and DOG. (You see it, too, right? RIGHT???) And so it stands to reason that, if they had even longer legs, they would be even better. And oh yeah--they'd also be maned wolves, but who even knows what I'm talking about by now anyways.

So maned wolves live in parts of South America. They are sometimes referred to as "a Red Fox on Stilts" (yes, by people other than me. I would call them "tall foxes") and "Skunk Wolves" (figure it out.) God these things are awesome.



I haven't updated this blog in awhile. Sorry for that. Holidays blah blah crap. But in the spirit of giving, I would like to present you all with the latest giant creature to grace the pages of this blog. That's right: just when you think animals can't get any bigger, ladies and gentlemen I give you:

MEGAFISH (An actual National Geographic headline.)

Giant Mekong Catfish

This pic of a young Chinese fellow and his friend Hal, the Mekong Giant Catfish, is a still from a forgotten Disney film of the 80s entitled "The One That Got Away." The premise is simple: late one night while making a wish that his parents will not get divorced, our young hero is visited by a MAAAAAGICAL CATFISH who promises to help him reunite his family...though a series of underwater hijinks and hilarious mixups that can only ensue when you get a giant catfish involved. (My apologies if I already trotted out the Disney divorce film joke in an earlier post. I searched for "divorce" on the last three months' updates and got nothing. So I'm running with it. Oh, also this movie is not real.)


Nothing and I mean NOTHING says male bonding like stripping down to minimal clothing together, diving into the Amazon and capturing a super long fish that's basically the same size as you. Don't be fooled; these guys all got along famously. Afterwards they all threw back a couple brewskis together and exchanged pictures of their kids. They all agreed to be Facebook friends, but there were a lot of Arapaimas online and the human gentlemen couldn't figure out which one was their pal. A real pity.