A Halloween miracle

Photo courtesy of BBC News.

Halloweentide is fast approaching, and with it, a British News Source's fancy turns to the magic that is animals with pumpkins. Seriously. Every October every news outlet in the UK is legally required (Queen's orders!!) to do a photo essay or something on zoo animals playing with pumpkins or dogs spray-painted like cheetahs or what have you. Check The Guardian! They always do one. Check The Daily Mail! (Gross...or DON'T.) They always do like, seventeen. And now today, the BBC brings us this delightful little somethin' somethin' about a rare breed of adorable, future (small "t" small "p") tea-party-hosting baby hazel dormice.*

Clearly this story was written by Britain's top Internet Cuteologists because it includes phrases like "The endangered siblings currently live in a small pumpkin which acts as both a secure nest and a tasty snack" and--on the topic of hourly feedings--"'We use a tiny paintbrush dipped in formula milk.'" Ehhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY LIVE IN A PUMPKIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good God, someone get a stop-motion animation team on the case as soon as possible.

Fun facts about dormice: they spend up to 3/4 of their lives asleep. Insert your "get this dormouse in to do my job!"/"wake up, SHEEPLE"/"teenagers these days" joke here.But seriously, get these dormice in to do my job.


*All tiny British wildlife host tea parties. OBVIOUSLY.

A story SO INCREDIBLE it revived this blog

If you've been wondering where I am, I've been applying to grad school. It has eaten my whole life. My life is still in the process of undergoing the process of digestion in the belly of the academic beast, but then today I read THE MOST AMAZING STORY OF ALL TIME. Check it out: Dick Van Dyke Rescued By Porpoises. Really.

That's amazing, right? Right? Then I was looking for a nice picture of a dolphin to post with this story, and so of course NATURALLY I thought, "Hmm, one of those pictures of dolphins in space would be even better." Then I found this picture from Jweekly.com and I realized that, yes, obviously Jewish Cowboy Dolphins in Space are CLEARLY the thing I should post here. So thanks, Jweekly.com for providing me--and the WORLD--with this delightful and entirely possibly image of dolphin ingenuity at its finest.(if Republicans don't slash the science budget, fingers crossed for the future!)

Anyway, this Dick Van Dyke story is awesome, and the headlines it inspired are even awesomer. (Yes, Dick Van Dyke Was Rescued By Porpoises Recently/) Take away lesson: if you are a celebrity, and animals rescue you/play poker with you/interact with you in any way outside of the realm of the expected, please tell the internet. The internet will thank you. THANK YOU.

Wonderful amputee monkey warms hearts, slaughters chickens

This story is amazing on so many levels:

1) The title. Never Slaughter a Chicken in Front of a Monkey

2) It's so heartwarming! Yet so violent. Somebody in Hollywood needs to option this. Michael Cera will play the monkey.

3) These closing lines:

" It helps look after Li's dog's puppies and even wiped away Li's tears when he was grieving the death of his father.

Li said: 'It sat besides me quietly and extended his only arm to wipe the tears on my face. He would softly pat my face and head, and look at me with great sympathy.'"


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart just fell out of my chest.

NEON SUMMER

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEON NEON NEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what's going on in this video, but I like it. The ending also makes me feel a bit dirty but in the best, summery-est way possible. Thanks to my friend Wade for exposing me to "Sweet Raisin (She's Just a Meow Meow)," the summer dance trend that is sweeping the nation. (Or at least my apartment.)

PS--If you know, or are one of these people, please pleeeeeeeease let me be friends with you and your hairless cat.




This next video saved my 4th of July. Seriously, it was going along pleasantly enough, nothing too horrible nothing like WOW fantastic, and then, while at Minneapolis' 10 Second Film Festival, this little gem of neon wonder flashed into my life . CHAUNCEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pink handfish: badasses of the undersea kingdom

Soon it shall happen. Marine life shall rise up against us, its human oppressors and horrible, horrible BP polluters. It is only a matter of time that life as we know it shall change irrevocably, horrifyingly, eternally. It is inevitable, now that we know there are FISH WITH HANDS.


You don't believe me? Check this s&%^ out:


"You ever been bitchslapped by a FISH before, wise guy?"
That's what he is saying.


On the other hand, all I could choke out of my meager human vocal chords upon first viewing this picture was a resounding moan of terror. Look at this little undersea brawler, just bruising through the ocean, looking for the crazy mofos who got oil all up in its home. (Disclosure: actually it lives in Australia OF COURSE, but still, he is mad, and somebody's gonna pay.)

The funny thing about this little monster--er, wonder of nature--is that it is known simply as a pink handfish. The name totally sounds like something my seven-year-old niece would come up with.* You can read more about it here, you know, if you're into that sort of thing.

*Who, um, doesn't actually exist yet, but I'm sure someday will. Journalistic integrity!!!!

For your viewing pleasure...more baby otters

This clip was an obvious choice for this week's update because

a) Otters are always cute. To everyone, everywhere. If we sent otters into Taliban strongholds they would lay down their weapons and just stare in awe at the perfect adorableness of the mighty otter. Then everyone would hug each other and do what small animals do best, namely, to have tea parties with their other small animal friends.
b) The clip is named "Adventures in Otter Space." This speaks for itself.
c) It's a musical montage!!!!!!!! I watch a lot of teen dramas, so I love musical montages.

You can thank my best friend and fellow otter appreciator, Sarah, for the next two magical minutes of your life:

Baby sloths=love

My friend Jared brought these amazing sloths into my life this week, and the world is a better place for it. I'm going home from work in 9 minutes, and I hope, so are you. What better way to kick off the weekend than with SLOTHSSSSS???!!!

Seriously, these things are so adorable that they could steal your girlfriend, break into your apartment to make sweet love and then write a bestselling erotic novel about their passionate love affair and you (or I) wouldn't even care. THEY ARE THAT CUTE.